A proud daughter

My mom is an alcoholic.  It has been a bumpy ride the past 15 plus years.  This weekend my BIL (brother in Law) threw my sister a surprise birthday party. This was the first time I had seen or spoken to my mom in over a month.  I had stopped talking to her and seeing her because she was always drinking and I was tired of hearing the drama and dealing with her crap so to speak.

Before I stopped talking to her I told her that I do love her she is my mom but I was not going to put up with her anymore until she got help or  tried to make an attempt to quit drinking.  It was so bad, I didn’t tell her I was pregnant and when I miscarried I didn’t tell her either.  My sister did only after asking if I minded.  Before that happened tho, I told her I would not tell her when I found out I was pregnant, when I got married or when I went into labor.  I was DONE!!  I told her I did not want her knowing my kids if she was going to always be drunk or drinking, it just wasn’t something I was going to raise my children around. 

You are probably reading this wondering how I can treat my mother like this aren’t you?  Well growing up in my life was not the best, nor the worst for that matter, but my mother and I were never close after she started drinking.  It was always a roller coaster ride and when she came back to town, it just got worse from there.  Most kids don’t go weeks or even months without seeing their moms,  but I did, I went years when she lived in North Carolina.  I had no desire to see her all the time because I knew when I did see her, she would be drinking or had been and was already drunk.  Me personally, I was so tired of the drama, the crying, the stress, I just took it out of my life.  The endless nights of wondering if my mom was really going to try to kill herself, the days of wondering when she would call me telling me she needed a place to stay because her and her husband were into it again and anything else you can imagine. 

Like I said, this weekend was the first time I had seen or spoken to her in over a month.  She sent me a message a while ago telling me she was going to quit drinking, but I had heard it so many times before I wasn’t going to believe it until I saw it with my own two eyes!  At the party, the guys usually drink so beer is in abundance, and a few wine coolers for the ladies.  The entire night I only saw Mom drink one wine cooler and that wasn’t until I grabbed one before Mike and I left the party.  ONE DRINK all night long is all I saw her drink!!  Normally she would have been loaded and ready to keep partying, but no she showed self-control. 

We were invited to her house for food and swimming the next day and with my sister and her family going I thought what ‘s the worst that can happen?  So Mike and I went to have some amazing food and company too, we didn’t swim, but it was still fun.  While Mom swam with my nephew, sister, and the BIL, Mike and I sat on the sidelines and talked and listened.  Mom was drinking one beer when we got there and had another one while in the pool.  She stopped drinking after she got out and went to water!  I have never seen my  mom pass up a beer or a drink of any kind that had alcohol in it.  So while we were eating, her husband brought up that she was not drinking nearly as much.  I made that my opportunity to tell her I was proud of her and for her to keep it up.  I have noticed what she is doing, I see she is making the effort to fix what has been broken, and I see she wants to be in my family,  my sister’s life, and she wants to make it count and be different.

I wasn’t a big fan for a while of my mom’s new husband, not at all.  They fought all the time, I got endless calls from him and her telling me to take sides and mediate the fight…not me. nope not gonna happen!  I thanked him for helping my mom with her problems because I was not there for her through it all.  I didn’t want to be, I had no desire to be around her drinking anymore.  Now she is getting better, now she is showing she does hear what I say, she listens to me, and she wants to have her family back.  The last big thing I can remember telling her was that her drinking was the reason our family is not what it should be, if she wanted a better relationship with me, my sister, and my brother, the drinking had to go.  It had to stop and she would have to change that.  She did and I am glad to say that I am proud of her.  I made sure to tell her this at least three times while we were visiting her yesterday.  I really am, and I have bragged on her to many people because a few of my friends know what I have been dealing with!  I am so glad to see my mom showing self-control and trying to make a difference and make her life better.

In conclusion, this has been a rough topic for me to write on, I feel it may be inappropriate, too revealing of others, or just plain wrong on my part, but I know she is changing and I have to let the world know, how proud of my mom I am!  I’m not sure if you are having issues with the same problem I was/am having, but if you are, you can make a difference, you can get help, and you can try to help the person in need.  They have to want to make the change first though and if they do, don’t let it go unacknowledged.  Tell them how you feel, tel them you love them, hug them, and let them know you have seen the difference.